Still No Abs, But Feeling Good

This morning I did some yoga. Not in a sunset-on-a-mountain kind of way, but in my bedroom, on a mat that’s definitely seen better days. It’s part of an old set of exercise videos I’ve been doing off and on for years—the kind that crams resistance training, cardio, and yoga into one neat package.

I first got these videos in my twenties because I wanted six-pack abs and to lose some weight. I did lose the weight. The abs, however, still remain elusive. But somewhere along the way, I stopped doing the workouts for reasons of vanity, but rather because… I just feel better. I have better posture, I stay stronger, I sleep better and I’ve kept most of the age-related creaks at bay.

The most surprising benefit I found was mental clarity. I don’t know if it is all the huffing and puffing I do when I work out, or the focused breathing while doing my downward dogs, but all the noise and chatter in my head just disappears (at least for a while). What’s strange is that I didn’t even realize how foggy my mind was—until it wasn’t.

I’ve never really been a jock. I was always more of a nerd (I’m sometimes surprised that my lack of coordination hasn’t killed me yet!), but over time, I’ve come to genuinely appreciate what exercise gives me. On some days, especially when I take care of myself, I still feel like I’m 25, all invincible, ready to take on the world and seize whatever amazing experiences life has to offer.

And while I’m well aware that I’m no longer invincible, I do feel more alive. I’ve come to realize that working out and health isn’t something I do once to earn a trophy, but rather maybe it’s more like an ongoing dialogue—sometimes quiet, sometimes uncomfortable, but always worth having. On the good days, when I move and breathe and show up, something shifts just enough inside to reveal what may have been there all along. Not perfection. Not youth. Just me as I am.

And I think that feels enough.